so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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