When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
