Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
