Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can't just leave with hair like that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
