He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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