Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
