Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
