well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
