Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
