The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
