maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
