So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
