that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
