while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
