i don't plan on having that self control this summer
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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