Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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