So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize