maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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