Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
