Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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