I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sober January is a disaster.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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