it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"