As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?