when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
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IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.