Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.