Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.