I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
