This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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