Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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