why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
