i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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