You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
