apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's blow job season.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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