If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
