Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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