he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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