apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
