Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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