I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
