i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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