We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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