I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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