Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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