My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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