singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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