You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
