Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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