my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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