Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
