the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.