My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
