Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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  (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased http://tfl.nu/sw63
  Replies (19) Good night (3800) Bad night (947)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.

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  (812): dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere. http://tfl.nu/598l
  Replies (20) Good night (729) Bad night (4018)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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  (561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b
  Replies (43) Good night (762) Bad night (6323)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1819) Bad night (5780)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

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  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (2763)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...

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  (512): Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation... http://tfl.nu/vkji
  Replies (3) Good night (2475) Bad night (1514)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.

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  (515): We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office. http://tfl.nu/036z
  Replies (3) Good night (2259) Bad night (981)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even

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  (317): Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night... (317): Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even http://tfl.nu/pe86
  Replies (7) Good night (2822) Bad night (747)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.

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  (715): During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me. http://tfl.nu/euwh
  Replies (30) Good night (4890) Bad night (1067)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.

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  (716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs. http://tfl.nu/9d6u
  Replies (10) Good night (1534) Bad night (726)
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  (420): View more from

  Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.

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  (420): Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides. http://tfl.nu/bzue
  Replies (5) Good night (1505) Bad night (555)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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  (870): Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. http://tfl.nu/y3t4
  Replies (9) Good night (1335) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence

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  (616): he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence http://tfl.nu/qzxi
  Replies (3) Good night (1695) Bad night (641)
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  (714): View more from California

  I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.

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  (714): I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over. http://tfl.nu/3mpl
  Replies (16) Good night (408) Bad night (1519)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco

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  (337): You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco http://tfl.nu/5cvy
  Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (504)

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