My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.