YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
