we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.