so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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