You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"