i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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