I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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