Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.