i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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