i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
