with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BRING THE BAGELS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
