Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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