Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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