You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
