Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
