The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
