This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
