WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
