Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
