My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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