we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
