What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.