he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
