I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
