Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
